[Student Writing] Journal Excerpts

I posted yesterday about my students and their journal writing.  I asked permission to share some of the entries.  I’ll show a series for each author to show the change over the last four weeks of writing. I’ll also transcribe exactly–including errors, run-ons, etc.:

Yesterday when i got home I watched my brother pay his PS3 he was playing dead Rising 2 when he was done I played and of course I played blackops I was doing goog I had 4 kills and 28 deaths and I was sniping with the L9641 I played until I had to go to bed and when I went to bed I was watching deadliest warrior It was the IRA V.S. The Taliban The IRA won. 
Yesterday When I got home I stared at my Pet scoripon I still don’t know what to name him Pablo? no maybe I need to think harder about my tannish brown scorpian. moving on I also thought about making a World of Warcraft account maybe I’ll be able to play with A. and A. hm sounds like fun I also went to the beach around 8 and cought sand crabs or whatever those Things are called I go thome Around 2 or 3 I was dead tired I had a bunch of sand crabs.
[Location] [Date] [School Name]
The outbreak has already begun They’ve taken everybody I’d ever loved The only surviving are me, myself, and I I’m rumaging through the trash tryint to find useful tools Then I see a zombie down the road I automaticly turn in the stealth mode and hide and wait for him to pass. As soon as he passes I head down the road then I find a safe house I’m not taking any chances I keep heading forward I see a waepon shop I grab a baseball bat and spike it up Then I move on Then I hear a group of zombies scream but then again they see me and sprinting towards me like a pack of ravenous dogs…

Chapter 4: RAM
Theres a zombie that is wearing a straight jacket he sounds like a horse in dispair he tries to ram me but he misses I was trying to run away but he ramed me and stood over me like the Leaning Tower of Pizza, grunting like a pig, and staring deep into my soul. he turns around and I quicly get up and kill him he falls like the Twin Towers.
My summer was Hot I was in mexicali
Me and my firends say a abandon house so we turn it to our club house. At nigh we heard a scream. we ran in to cheek but no body was their but a doll. My friend picked it up and someone is pulling a prank, we looke for a stereo, but nothing was theer but that doll…
Tic tock
Pit Pat
tic tock tick tock
I am bored so I will play with my dog pit pat pit pat
The rains starts, in my mind I think is time slow
the clock is still 8:15 am tic tock tic tock its still 8:15 am
I have a game called Star wars Knights of the Old republic its the same game as star wars the old republic just the first game in the saga so I sujest you play that game
This morning was crazy first I almost over sleep lucky my mom woke me up. Than i go to take a shower and theres a spider in there and I’m afaird of spiders so I half to use my mom’s shower. Than I went to make hot choclate and It was the kind where you use milk instead of water. Yuck I used water instead. Than i went to make it with milk and i end up not putting enough choclate into my milk so i end up putting 6 teaspoons into my milk for it to be good.  Than I come to school and find out no badges or computers.
I am the spider in A.’s bathtub moohaha! He shall never take a shower and wills tink for eternity.  If he tries to walk in I will bite him and he will die. If he tries to step on me I will bite him and he will die. If he trys to shoot me with a bb gun I will dodge it. If he gets a family or friend to try to kill me I will get my spider friends outside to bite them.

I think you can see some of the growth.  There is some loosening up, some more advanced vocabulary.  Slightly fewer run-ons (we’ll be working on that), and some imaginative thinking.  I’m loving reading these, and they’re enjoying writing!

Yeay for the turkey-butts!

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